body and mind

encapsulated in a semi-permeable membrane, we live on the outside and are alive on the inside.

yoga strengthens our non-physical membrane, the one of the self containing emotions and thoughts.

we evolve everyday. shifts in mindsets, intelligence, strength, discipline, and so on. each morning we awake to a new self.

instead of building barriers and defenses to all that is 'negative,' we must instead reinforce and maintain our layers. our filters and membranes. cleanse them, re-evaluate them.

- j

you take everything for granted

we are co-inhabitants of this planet. its physical-spiritual nature is available to all of us.
microcosms splinter and separate from the collective. they are governed by distinct rules and new ways of life.
i don't understand. where are you? i take so much of what i know for granted. known knowns. known unknowns. unknown unknowns. what shouldn't be is.

normal is relative. knowledge is everything.

- j

physical transitions

In Bloom at Duke University (photo cred: me)

“It takes courage to push yourself to places that you have never been before… to test your limits… to break through barriers. And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

- Anais Nin

what has passed is past

summer? oh yes, i've met her distant cousin on the east coast. she is quite quick-tempered and capricious.

a bit reckless, that lass. she put out power in all sorts of neighborhoods, she did.

she knows how to rile up a girl like me; humidity, thunder & lightning, downpours, you name it, she's got it.

connections, synapses firing. grounding new experiences and placing people in temporary boxes. moving and organizing is a hassle for most people. you usually stay in the mind box you're put in. these boxes are made of glass; peer in, look out. sometimes plastic; the kind with bpa. or ivy; it'll bind and mute your mind self.

i wonder if my mind selves met one another. how many variations? and permutations?

i imagine it would be like walking through a fun house of warped mirrors.

lying sport 1st place :: bits

nonsense

nonsense mutation in the gene encoding the major surface of the substrate and then they will become more apparent from the following detailed description of these properties are not well understood and therefore not available for this item with others in our community and their families in their homes

.: produced from/with google scribe

UCLA Class of 2010

Congrats, UCLA Class of 2010!

"Don't be afraid to fail. The greatest failure of all is failure to act when action is needed. Use the information that you've acquired in the past through the experiences you've had and act with self-control — but act."

— UCLA Anderson | John Wooden Global Leadership Award ceremony (May 21, 2009)

UCLA Today - Class of 2010 Pays Tribute to John Wooden at UCLA Commencement

I lovelove UCLA Institute of the Environment students! I'll miss everyone, most of all my marine debris group!!! Thank you, professors, especially Professor Kahn!

Goodbye, UCLA, my home of four years. I will miss you dearly and think of you fondly..

8-clappppp: one-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight.. U..C..L..A... UCLA FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!

- Jenny

sunset, sunrise

Bright Star (Sunset Mix) :: Ben Watt, Stimming, Julia Biel

imo, sunset mix > sunrise mix. hazy in-betweens of day/night, am/pm, light/dark.
awake from your slumber and daydreaming. startled senses become acute. understanding at an utmost height.
i'll dance all the minutes and hours away, subtract the days and months, forget the years and decades. the end is all that matters. the rest becomes frivolous.

"My dear, here you must resign yourself or else... create a scandal. Go out with a band. Slam the door, as they say. That's the most important part: go out with a bang. Leave a scar on history's ugly face. Shine, damn it!"
- Envy by Yuri Olesha

- j

drawings by moonassi

titles by me:
1. single unit
2. double knotted embrace
3. the search for jenny

i vs e

chicago. spring2010.

I drink to the wreck of our life together
And the pain of living alone.
I drink to the loneliness we shared-
My dear, I drink to you.

I drink to the trick of a mouth that betrayed me,
To the eyes and the look that lied.
I drink to the terrible world we inhabit
And to god, who never replied.

- Anna Akhmatova trans. by Paul Schmidt

and so the sadness turned into loneliness.. not of the usual definition, however. more of a loss of solace in one's own time. a bit of the introvertedness chipped away in lieu of extrovertedness. much more difficult to maintain.

back to the peace.
sweet solitude.
multiple thoughts of a single origin with no need for verification.
calm interior, calm exterior - less tension.

- j

stories of love and non-love pt 2

and so they talk about non-feeling relationships getting in the way of their relationship. but their feeling relationship is only of two extremes - jealousy and disappointment.


she only wants to know what his words really mean. she delves into every derivation of phrase he throws at her. does this mean the same as that? do the order of the words and all parts of the phrase matter? where does the meaning lie?

he cannot give her what she needs and tosses her back and forth at his whim. build up and fall down. his past is too entrenched in his mind. it reveals the abuses he felt, the expectations he had. he cannot give her a second chance. a clean start.

vicious cycles are vicious because of their endlessness.
i cannot stop it. i wish she could hear me. i wish he would listen to her.

- j

stories of love and non-love pt1

they are on 180 degree planes. plateauing. on different levels. one more in love than the other.
they visualize themselves on the same plane, eyes searching ahead. for the other.
but it's just nothingness. they keep their mouths shut, eyes open, hearts closed.

idle time. loss of trust split their paths. i do not know how to mend it. i can only watch.

the ever hopeful gleam in his eyes. her averted gaze. going through the motions.
it makes me sad. a faltering and slowly breathing kind-of-love.



"I Lied" - Telefon Tel Aviv

to be/do/feel/spread/be good.
religion. philosophy. morality.
intrinsic and integrated into the human condition.
it doesn't need a title.

sharing and connecting. interacting fully with one's self. open open
trust. mutual. honesty.
you don't need to hide.

i just want totalkwithyou

.

light/night

"popcorn clouds"

i have. i had. i thought. i know.
i am here in the physical sense, but usually not otherwise. more like an inside-out person.
instant, instant. long distance.
distance can be shortened for everything but time. we try. "spring forward, fall back" as they say for daylight savings. hardly artificial, the elongating and shrinking amounts of daylight over the seasons. man-made schedules of 9-5pm and the daily grind require fixed light/night.
bring it back.

and forward.

again, and again, and again, again...


reset myself to the sun. evaporation into the atmosphere. eternal cycling.
i flow.

into and out of myself.

- j

sam

my, my.. it's been a while..
must release my mental backup. it's cluttered with semi-formed thoughts and to-do lists.

do you think music is a reflection of your mind? an extension of it?
projecting emotions in a musical monologue. a large difference between the expression of singing and expression of mood through a conversation. it is p.o.v. minus the overlap.

take your turn.

from es

LA’s sped up time holding us in a summer daze since Christmas eve. I’ll miss Angeleno luxury when I head back to Chicago’s frost bitten children next Monday. But I’m looking forward to days & nights of wool sweaters, new cashmere clothing, boots, hot cocoa, and wine bars.

With next semester being my very very last, it’ll be the shortest and sweetest. Probably because sweet deceptive nostalgia will seep in making the present desirable. But I’ll just snap my fingers and say “NEXT.”

- http://eykang.tumblr.com/

bjork + arvo part

Björk on Arvo Pärt:


Björk: "I like your music very very much because you give space to the listener. He can go inside and live there"

Arvo:"Maybe it is because I need the space for myself, even when I am working"



fur alina :: arvo part

2010: new year's resolution

2010 - the future has arrived! new decade, right? 2010 to 2019? or 2011 to 2020? results from google news says it's up to you when to celebrate/declare. well, i declare it to be the decade of the 10s.
'tis my graduation year after all.

today is january 3rd and i have just begun reflecting and criticizing (not always constructive) the events and changes of 2009.
i will begin to enumerate my resolutions for this new year and try to live up to them.
ahem..

measurable:
- be more studious. this is imperative for my grad school prospects!
- have more self-control. general enough to apply to my many vices..

non-measurable:
- have a stronger heart + mind
- go back inside. to the subconscious.

12.25.09

alas! the future is almost here (again). a moving continuum. sliding scale. i'm grateful for that. a constant ability to be able to look forward to what CAN BE, what COULD BE, and what WILL BE.

hello snow-totoro. hello out there in the interwebs! happy holidays to you and your loved ones. by the rule of 6 degrees, that may be inclusive of the population of Earth. that is pleasing to think about. yes.

at times i wish i had snow where i reside, but i think i'd rather not worry about snowstorms, chains on tires, and the other dangers of icy water. maybe next year if i transverse the U.S. and end up in... ny? dc? boston?
it is early to tell, to even have a faint outline for what 2010 will bring.
and that is for another post...

anti-gravity

forwards, i go. 1000 -> 4000.
bright, light eyes. edges defining, center stabilizing.
to me. towards me.

but still early to tell. beginning stages and phases.
certainly, certainty





Njosnavelin :: Sigur Ros