i vs e

chicago. spring2010.

I drink to the wreck of our life together
And the pain of living alone.
I drink to the loneliness we shared-
My dear, I drink to you.

I drink to the trick of a mouth that betrayed me,
To the eyes and the look that lied.
I drink to the terrible world we inhabit
And to god, who never replied.

- Anna Akhmatova trans. by Paul Schmidt

and so the sadness turned into loneliness.. not of the usual definition, however. more of a loss of solace in one's own time. a bit of the introvertedness chipped away in lieu of extrovertedness. much more difficult to maintain.

back to the peace.
sweet solitude.
multiple thoughts of a single origin with no need for verification.
calm interior, calm exterior - less tension.

- j