now. current. here. not here.

19:24
Sunday, October 28, 2007
19:24
i need to have someone to talk to
19:24
Hashigo = 하시고?
ㅎㅎㅎㅎ. Okay. Dinner.
19:24
i scroll the list of people online
19:25
i visit, i dont know, 50 sites
19:25
ive been back in my dorm since 430
19:25
and i haven't done any work
19:25
i look in the mirror
19:25
dissatisfied
19:26
just stare
19:26
i stare back
19:26
its empty
19:26
im empty
19:26
i feel very.. low
19:26
like close to the ground
19:26
minimum energy
19:26
very calm
19:26
still
19:26
but its like flatlining
19:27
that feeling pre-tears. again and again.
19:27
it doesn't happen
19:27
i saw _______ last week
19:27
i was really anxious that day. just stressed. in overdrive
19:28
its like.. polar opposite of now
19:28
detached from my emotions is what i am
19:29
i dont feel for anyone
19:29
or its very small
19:29
hardly
19:29
i go through the actions, but im not feeling
19:29
im not living
19:29
im not me
19:29
where am i
19:29
im crying now.
19:30
it means i am feeling now.
19:30
even if it at the other end
19:30
passion can be angry, joyous, vibrant, all encompassing
19:31
static.
19:31
static noise. white sound. silence. hollow. echoes.